Saturday, December 4, 2010

Mumbai Local Trains - A Learning Experience !

Corporate Gyaan gained by Travelling through Mumbai Local :

Me & wifey had gone to Ambaji & Mount Abu for a trip somewhere around January, while returning back we had a real good time travelling by road all thanks to the pleasant weather and scenic view. I looked in her sparkling & beautiful eyes and whispered in her ears “Darling, we should take these kind of breaks frequently, I hope we keep on travelling like this across the year”.

God heard my plea but interpreted it in his own way, a week after returning from that trip, I have been travelling daily twice through Mumbai Local! It was irritating in a way cause my former workplace was hardly 10 minutes away from home, but all for the sake of career I chose to join a prestigious organization based in Lower Parel.

That day onwards my life underwent a drastic change, from daily car pickup and drop system I had switched to travelling by Train, from all glossy and colorful life at BPO I had switched to Finance (instead of being surrounded by crazy youngsters I was working amidst sane and matured people many  belonging to my parents age though).

Travelling by First Class in Local Train also came with many a learning, many instances mirrored those of the Corporate world, dunno whether it was the effect of reading too many books full of gyaan lately !

I felt like sharing some of these with you :

Patience :

I was habituated of waiting for cab at my doorstep and now I had to first walk all the way from my home to the main road where I had to hunt of a Rickshaw driver who would agree to drive me to the station and then had to wait for the train which always used to follow IST (read Indian Sarkari Time). It taught me Patience, I have become so patient that any doctor would be glad to see me.

Time Management :

All this Rickshaw and Train run around also taught me art of Time Management, earlier I used to wake up when the cabbie used to call up and inform me about the pickup time, now I need to wake up on specific time and also need to decide which train to grab so that I can reach to work in a timely manner.

Resource Utilization :

Whenever I used to reach late to the station, I had to board the crowded train where forget place to sit, I barely managed to get place to stand, which in turn taught me optimum utilization of resources in the form of utilization of available space, although during these kind of situations did come with free body massage.

Be Alert / Play Safe :

Boarding direct trains also taught me to be alert or play safe as mostly even while travelling through First Class compartment, one can barely get place to stand near the door or worst stand on the footboard, which could be quiet risky at times cause if your hand slips from the handle held above you might definitely fall down. I sometimes feel I was better trained by my school teachers to travel in train by making me stand with my hands up in class room.

Let Go :

One fine day I had to reach to work on time and my alarm didn’t ring, water ran out while bathing & rickshaw drivers played pricey, it was definitely one of those days which left me feeling so much frustrating (I guess gals would be feeling same during those 4 days). Icing on the cake was when all the trains too were running late which also meant that trains were packed. I had to reach work on time didn’t have choice cause my colleague had an emergency at home and had took day off. I boarded the jam packed train hanging like a Tarzan, hugging sweaty fellas, it was definitely disgusting ride and made me understand the virtue of letting go off the crowded train and better wait for another one.

There are No Shortcuts in Life :

If you want to lead a comfortable life or you want to have things happen your way then trust me fellas, there are no shortcuts in life. If I wanted to have a comfortable journey or wish to travel by occupying window seat, I had to travel at times all the way to Churchgate and board a train to Borivali also daily in the morning I travel by a return train from Kandivali to Borivali to Churchgate !!!! #FML

The Art of Concentration :

I have grown in my workplace all because of my accurate delivery of work. Accuracy and results are achieved by Concentration. I was very poor at concentrating at anything but all these changed after travelling in local train, you have no privacy or peace while travelling, so whenever I used to read books there were people playing ‘Tum to Thehre Pardesi’ or similar pathetic songs on their loud speaker phones (If I will ever come face to face with the bugger who invented loudspeaker phones am gonna ask him why did you do this to me ????) or talking to either customer (especially gujjubhais talking on the highest volume an human being can and superbly disturbing pitch) or co-travelers. I used to get bugged initially but then I mastered the art of concentration amidst all this chaos. Ignorance is Bliss !

Strategy & Planning :

After travelling by train I had not only become good at Time Management but I had also excelled the art of Strategy & Planning. Whenever I used to board a crowded train I had to stand all the way till I reached my destination crushed by other stinking co-travelers but there was this old man who always used to get seat. After couple of days of travel I told him “Uncle you are damn lucky, you always manage to get a seat even in a crowded train, benefits of being a senior citizen”, he replied “No son it’s an art to know which seat will get vacant at the next station”.

I said “You would have been travelling on this route for ages so it is obvious that you would know most of the passengers gets down at which station”, he said “It’s plain art my son, See that modern dressed couple will get down at Bandra, the guy who is playing around with bag and peeping outside will get down at next station, etc….”. You also need to be alert and grab the empty seat before anyone else does, that’s how opportunities to grow at work are spotted, worked upon and tapped !

Research & Analysis :

To have a comfortable journey, be it in real life or by Mumbai Local you need to have knowledge about the options you have. As far as Mumbai Local is concerned, you need to have thorough knowledge of trains are leaving at various timings from and to your destination, most importantly how crowded or empty they are or which coach would be more occupied/empty so that you are able take an Informed decision which will in turn help you to have safer and comfortable journey. If you don’t want to do that simple catch hold of an uncle who would have been travelling on the route for long enough to guide you.

Follow the Rules (Integrity) :

Everywhere in life there are certain set of rules that a human being needs to follow while living in a society, same is applicable in Mumbai Local Trains too. When I mentioned rules, I did not mean not standing on the footboard or not travelling on the rooftop, by rules I meant carrying a valid pass or ticket of the class you are travelling in especially on weekends coz you might have to pay heavy price if you are caught travelling ticketless (do not bother on weekdays coz even TCs would not manage to board the crowded train during peak hours).

Art of Delegation & Teamwork :

While travelling in peak hours and jam packed trains, there are people who carry so much of stuff in their laptop bags that you might actually wonder whether he/she is carrying the whole world in it, these commuters usually do not prefer to stand next to the luggage shelf even if there is enough space, but would shamelessly request the poor fellow standing next to the luggage shelf to help him by keeping the luggage on the shelf, that’s what can be compared to certain extent with the art of delegation. At time this kind of request comes from a person standing on the door, in such a case you can also observe art of delegation combined with team work when the bag is passed from one commuter to the other till it reaches the guy standing next to the shelf!

Conflict Management :

There are so many different human beings travelling by train that belong to different castes, classes, communities and nature which also means that there are huge changes of conflicts happening. Conflicts occur mainly coz everyone is bothered of one’s own comfort and value for money, the word comfort here would mean either enough space to sit or enough space to stand in the train.

In absence of comfort conflicts arise, which are mostly verbal in nature & at times full of abuses and warnings to each other (also an alternate source of entertainment for co-travelers but never gets converted into fist fights). These conflicts are either solved when both of them get comfortable space or the one who is stronger wins or when other members ask them to shut up or else they would be thrown out of the train once it reaches next station.

There are some more traits and lessons learnt while travelling by Local Train, I would share them with you once I manage to get down from this crowded train J

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Pati, Patni Aur Woe !!!!!!!

"Expectation is Mother of all Problems !!!"

I had recently been to my hometown for a couple of days to spend quality time with my Family, the weekend being a long one I took a couple of days off and got to spend a week at home. I love to be at Rajkot, the reason is obvious ‘Maa ke Haath ka Khaana’ and being pampered like a prince or as wifey says Raja No Kunwar.

Out of all these days one odd day wife had to attend a ceremony at her sister’s place and the gem that she is, she allowed me to spend the whole day as I would wish (freedom smells so good). I chose to go and meet a friend of mine who was super notorious in college days as far as girls were concerned, but had mellowed down after marriage (as heard of from other friends).

We went to one of the recently opened up hotel, I thought of meeting him over lunch. The conversation went around all the normal stuff that friends discuss kinda howz life going on ? wazzup new in life? Etc. and then came the question that every married man is asked after marriage “Howz your married life going on?”. Usually the answer to this question is good or great or awesome but thatz for outsiders, friends are the ones with whom you share your heart.

He initially said that everything is hunky dory but when I further probed he said “Life is all screwed up yaar, there is no peace in life anymore”, I asked worried “Why? What happened dear? I hope everything is alright!”. He said “Everything’s not alright, I guess I made a mistake by marrying a modern girl, she was good as a friend but isn’t an ideal wife”.

I said “I didn’t get you why isn’t she an Ideal wife ?”, he said “She is of very modern thoughts its good for Mumbai not for a small city like the one I live in, and who am I trying to explain you belong to Mumbai so you too would not understand”. I snapped back “What do you mean by I would not understand being from Mumbai? I too am freaking married for couple of years now!”.

I calmed down a bit and asked him “Tell me whatz bothering you bro, you can share it with me”. He said “She is caring, loving and of very good nature but is of very modern thoughts and believes in being practical”. I said “So what the hell is the problem? What is wrong with being practical, It’s good to be practical, it would have been a matter of concern if she would have had been theoretical, see the positive side of it, being practical is having sex and being theoretical is kinda talking about sex !” just to lighten his mood a bit.

He got pissed off and said “You feel everything’s funny, that’s the reason I said you wouldn’t understand, you bloody fat ass”, I said “Alright I wouldn’t make fun of you, promise please tell me”. He said “We had big fight last weekend and she has left me and gone to her parents house”, I said “Yay ! so you have a vacation lets go to Diu and Party Hard !”, he gave me a killer stare and said “Fuck You Bastard !”.

He would have slapped me but here came my savior, the waiter was here with all the nicey nice food we had ordered, yummy kathiawadi cuisine. As soon as the waiter was done serving food he said “For you it’s funny but I am living this hell of a life and have to suffer everyday”. I was so engrossed in food that I had almost ignored what he said but he continued his ranting and I kept on nodding my head.

He continued all the complains and issues he had with her that almost all the husbands in the world would have had at times in their life “She doesn’t cook at times, she does not take care of me, she does not keep the room and house clean, she acts bossy, she carries work home, she doesn’t treat me like a man in the house, she needs privacy, she needs space, blah blah blah ……”.

I said “But then all these things happen in everyone’s life, you should not be fighting for all these petty issues, why do you expect her to do all these things, you should instead be more understanding coz she too is a working women!”, He calmed down a bit and said “You are right buddy, I guess it’s not her fault the fault is in my upbringing, my Mom was also a working woman and I grew up looking at her managing all these things without any complains all along, which in turn made me expect same from my wife, but then the world has changed now things are not so easy going as they were during my Mom’s working days and it’s high time that people like me change their middle class mentality and come out of third graded hypocrisy”.

I was done eating, I almost burped and said “I am glad that you had a happy realization, go ahead call her up and apologize for all the stupefying things you have done, I am sure she will forgive you and come back home”. He had a smile on his face and called up his wife, while he was talking to her I was wondering what made this couple fight, was it not being practical, not being understanding, not being compatible, having too much of irrational expectations from each other or it was all about the kind of upbringing one had, or was it getting married ;) 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Vikram aur Vetaal !!!

I did not have any pending assignments today to complete, neither was there any new project lined up with any deadlines, definitely a pleasant day to work and to top it all my Boss had planned to take a day off. What more could anyone ask for ????

I did what everyone would in this situation ….. Full on Time pass with no one watching my back and thought of logging on to Wikipedia and checking out some topics to wail out time. As soon as the page loaded a colleague of mine punched on my shoulder and said with a huge grin & jealousy dripping on his face “Lucky Bugger it seems there is no one clinging on your back today!”

I dunno why but his comment reminded me of Vikram & Vetaal (kinda Vetaal clinging on Vikram’s back) and I punched it in the search box. It took me to the page with details about Vikram & Vetaal tales and there were many similarities which could be observed in a Boss and Subordinate relationship when compared with these tales. At times the reportee plays Vetaal and Boss plays role of King Vikram and at time it’s the exact opposite.

When the reportee is doing full on time pass (kinda vetaal hanging upside down on the tree), Boss grabs him and gives new project or some kinda work.

When the reportee is working on some project, Boss does the role reversal and starts playing role of a Vetaal asking multiple questions (relevant as well as irrelevant ones) and if any of the answers remains unanswered or is not answered correctly the reportee has had it ! 

There are many more similarities but I would keep it for you to figure it out & post it in comments if you wish to.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Facebook Saaransh - Facebook Updesh

Facebook To Social Moh Maya Hai !!!

Aaj Tum Status Update Karte Ho, Kal Koi Aur Karega,

Friends Hee Is Jeevan Ka Satya Hai, We Kal Bhi Thhey,

Aaj Bhi Hai, Aur Hamesha Rahenge,

Tum Sochte Ho Tumne Comment / Like Kiya Theek Kiya,

To Galat Sochte Ho, Comments Aur Likes Nirantar Hai,

Naye Naye Notifications ke Roop Mein Tumhe Milte Rahenge,

Isliye Vats Status Update Karo, Comment / Likes Ki Chinta Mat Karo.

Status Update Full On !

~ Not to hurt anyone's Social sentiments.

Sunday, September 5, 2010


"Twitterati ~ TweeTunes"

I was sitting all alone at home doing nothing except enjoying my loneliness. It was the ‘Me’ time away from the world lying lazily on my bed. No Plans, no agendas nothing on my mind and nothing in my stomach too. I was feeling hungry so thought of ordering a Pizza from Dominos and while it arrived I thought of whiling away my time checking twitter on my phone.

There were some people posting what they are eating, some people posting what they were drinking, some people busy retweeting messages and some people reading all the tweets and retweeting them with comments.

My phone started ringing, it was my wife, she had called up and ordered me to gift her caller tone completely Kareena Ishtyle. I did that and suddenly had a weird thought what if people were given a chance to set up Twitter Tone on Twitter which would play once the user logs in or tweets something.

Some of the songs I thought of that users I follow might set up based on the kinda handles that they have or kinda tweets :
@_abhishk : Hai hai yeh majboori, yeh mausam aur ye doore, Teri 2 takiye ki naukri me mera laakhon ka saawan jaaye......

@_unemployed : Kaam maanga hai tumhi se na inkaar karo .....

@aamadmy : Aadmi musafir hai Tweetta hai Retweetta hai …. Aate jaate raste mein tweetein chod jaata hai .....

@amreekandesi : Yeh Duniya ek dulhan ke maathe ki bindiya I love my India

@bitchwanti : Who let the bitches tweet…. Who who who let the bitches tweet.... or In Bitchon ke saamne mat Tweetna Bitchwanti ...

@blogadda : Internet par Blogging ka Adda, Twitter mein Perky Tweets ka darbaar, Kaun hai Kaun hai bataa na yaar, Apna Blogadda Bhai .....

@corpowhore : Tweet karte karte yu hi koi mil gaya tha yu hi koi mil gaya tha office mein kaam karte karte ..... or Inhi Tweeton ne inhi Tweeton ne le liya dupatta mera ...

@dingdongmong : Ding Dong o baby sing a song, aaj ke tweet ka aur retweet ka ....... Ding Dong .....

@diogeneb : Rajnican’t tweet Saala ....... Rajnican’t Retweet Saala .......

@fakingnews : fake a fakema a ye ye, fake a fake a ye ye, news fake a ye ye (world cup shakira song tweetified)

@flyyoufools : Bewakoof Kabootar ja ja ja, Kabootar ja ja ja, pehle tweet ki retweet saajan se karwa ….. or Udd jaa kaale kava tere timeline wich Tweet Pavaa

@gabbarsingh : Gabbar Remix ....... Kitney Tweet, Retweet, Followers Thhey ????? Jisne na retweet kiya samjo mar gaya ...

@gkhamba : Khambe jai sa kahda hai ladka hai ya chada hai ….. Blog mein gussa hai … tweet mein gaali hai ... dekho zara dekho zara khud ko samajta hai kya ...

@greatbong : I first thought it would be ‘Amhaar Shonar Baangla’, but then the great mithunda fan he is he would opt for ‘Chad gaya oopar re atariya pe lotan Twitter re, Twitter Twitter” .....

@indiblogger : Yeh Desh hai Indian Bloggers ka Albele Blog Matwale Blog in Blogs ka yaaron kya kehna Indiblogger hai Indian Blogs ka gehna .....

@itscreation : All crazy about Bhoomi from Indian Idol, I am sure his would be ‘Dil le gayi kudi Gujarat Di’ ……

@jhunjhunwala : Jhunjhunwala Hun Jhunjhunwala Hun Hurr Hurr, Hum to Ameer Hamesha se they par hum gareeb ho na sakey …..

@kaaliya : Gabbar Remix - Ab tu kya Tweetega re kaaliya … Kitney Followers Thhey ......

@kaprasanna : A Tweetbuddy for Tweetest interactions ‘Tweet Baaki ........ Retweet baaki ........ hona hai jo ho jaane do ......’

@krishashok : Oh baby ..... hey...hey ..... dil na diya ..... dil na diya...di di dillll ..... dil na liya, dil na diya ..... bol bolo na bolo kya kiya ..... dil na liya, dil na diya ... remixed with Mastee Bhare naina tere ......from Krish & Ashoka

@lafannga : Hai Lafannga bada …. Lafannga…Lafannga… apne man ki kare

@livetorque : Tweet kar ke je lay mar le Tweet Retweet bhi ho bobaara, Dhoom Machaale, Dhoom Machaale Dhoom

@mumbaicentral : Ye Mumbai shehar tweeton ka shahar hai …. Remixed with railways announcement ‘Station number 2 par aane waali locak borivali ke liye 12 dabbon ki dheemi local hai’

@nonstopthinker : Socho maine socha hai ye ik sapna phoolon seTwitter mein hai ghar apna .......

@oneblackcoffee : Ek Kaale Coffe Ki Pyaali Ho ……. Koi Usko Pilane Waali Ho .....

@pagal_ladki : Main jat yamli pagli deewaani ke main itti si baat na maani ke ke ke o menu Tweet karti hai .....

@palya8pi : Pal Pal Twitter ke paas Tum Rehte ho, Twitter pe meethi baak tum karte ho .......

@sidin : Wake up Sidin saare pal kahe ...... Wake up Sidin ....

@spymaami : Shayad meri jasoosi ka khayaal dil mein aaya hai …. Isi liye maami ne teri mujhe twitter pe bulaya hai .......

@taklooman : Aao sikha doon Twitter pe Takle ka funda …. Ye nahi pyaare koi maamooli takla ...

@twitballiye : Nach baliye...... oh churiye chara dey, Tweet baliye, oh mehndiya kara dey, ReTweet Balliye ……

@PurveshJanee : Thatz me so I know what I am gonna play .... its definitely gonna be “Apni to Paathshaala . . . . Masti ki Paathshaala ......”

* This blog was just for fun not to hurt anyone's Twentiments .........

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A Kela


Akela, that’s what we call a loner or a lonely man in Hindi. It’s a different thing that A Kela in Hinglish might also mean A Banana, anyways jokes apart what I was trying to emphasize here was on loneliness.

Loneliness is less prevalent in Bachelors as compared to married people as Bachelors are always in company of their friends, not that married people are not but then married people in Metro spend more time with themselves as compared to the time they spend with their spouses, which is also one odd reason for adultery and at times reason for long lasting marriage (coz both get their much needed Space).

I have often observed that people in general spends too much of time alone while commuting to work, while travelling on work assignments, etc. & when I am alone I either spend my time reading, thinking or observing different people and while observing different people there are many memories and emotions that unfold.

These observations are the ones that bring in mood swings or take you for a ride into memory lane. I have been lonely many a times and have indulged in the observation game time and again. The observation habit is the one which has helped me to grow as a person, to know more about human behavior, has helped me to increase virtue of patience, has definitely made me a better human being, has made me more sensitive towards people (although my wife would not agree to all I mentioned above, she says I still belong to Neanderthal age :D).

Monday, July 19, 2010

Twitter Saaransh - Tweet Updesh

Twitter To Social Moh Maya Hai !!!

Aaj Tum Tweet Karte Ho, Kal Koi Aur Karega,

Friends Hee Is Jeevan Ka Satya Hai, We Kal Bhi Thhey,

Tum Sochte Ho Tumne Follow Kiya Theek Kiya,

To Galat Sochte Ho, Followers Aur Bots Nirantar Hai,

Naye Naye Roop Mein Tumhe Follow / Unfollow Karte Rahenge,

Isliye Vats Tweet Karo, Reply/Retweet/Followers Ki Chinta Mat Karo.

Tweet Em On !

~ Not to hurt anyone's religious sentiments.

Friday, May 14, 2010

PJs Remixed Again .......

Last weekend I had gone to watch Iron Man 2 with my wifey and had put it as my status message on Facebook & Twitter, what I forgot was that Purab is also added to my friends list and it was obvious that he had commented something that was Super Pakau ....

Following was my status message on Facebook :

Purvesh Janee : "Me & Wifey @ Fame Inorbit watching Iron Man 2 .... Whatay Fun ... !"
Comments Received :

Purab : "O my God ! Such a waste of time & money, You could have watched it for free..."
HeMan : "I am upset you don't have time to meet HeMan, but have enough time to watch Iron Man !!!"
Ron : "I too wanna watch it lemme know your review"
Harsh : "Better watch Loh Purush instead"
Purvesh Janee : @ HeMan we will catchup next weekend for sure for yaaran da tashan
                         @ Ron am lovin it :)
                         @ Harsh Loh Purush ??? is it Iron Man dubbed in hindi ?
                         @ Purab why waste of money ??????? Is it already out on DVD ?
Purab : "If you & DJ wanted to watch Iron Man 2 you should have hopped in @ my home, The Man who Irons my clothes has hired an assistant so now they are Iron Man 2 ... LOL"
Purvesh Janee : "Jai Ho ! Pakau Purab ki"

Thats how Purab is ... full of pakau stuff, I met him after some days on our usual stress bursting session following a couple of weekends, he was full of non-sense as always, The topic of discussion somehow swifted towards creative advertisements specially the zoo zoo ads by Vodafone.

Purab pitched in and said "I like these ads very much but this is not fair friends, they call these animated characters Zoo Zoos but I don't spot any Animals in there ...... nor do they wear any animal print on their clothes". Purab the unstoppable was interrupted by Sagar, Sagar said "Please stop your non-sense, will you ? What do you know about advertisements & advertisement industry in general ? It takes lots of effort to create the dream world".

Purab the prompt non-sense creator said "Sagar this is not fair, this is not the way you pull someone down, I am hurt" and asked all of us "If Sagar wanted to say no in a creative & melodious manner which song would he sing ???", We all scratched our head but didn't get an answer defeated we asked him "Sorry Purab we give up can you please help us with the answer ?", Purab in his ridiculous best said "Sagar should have sung .... Saagar ki Naa Re ......Dil ye Pukaare ....". Sagar was almost gonna beat him black and blue but we some how managed to save Purab from Sagar.

Looking at our irritation Purab's face glowed with a utmost sense of achievement and satisfaction, Purab the unstoppable continued with his ideas on the ads & said, "If I ever get a chance to make Ad for TaTa NaNo, I am gonna use either of these songs ... "

Situation A & Song A) A middle class boy buys a TaTa NaNo and tries to woo a girl, the girl smiles at this guy and this song plays on the radio ..... Nano Mein Sapna ……. Sapne Me Sajna ….. Sajna Pe Dil Aa Gaya ……  

Situation B & Song B) The Guy & Girl get married and go for a long drive on the highway in the same TaTa NaNo ..... this time the song plays on Radio ... NaNo ki Chaal Hai .... Makhmali Haal Hai .... Teri NaNo Meri NaNo .... TaTa NaNo Re .....

The irritation level was building up in all of us, Sagar had already fainted, we were somehow praying to God to help us stop this non-sense, but I guess God the ultimate savior was on Vacation ..... all of us had made up our mind of not inviting Purab in next Stress Bursting session as it was more like a Stress Building session with his presence.

Purab laughed his heart out and refilled his glass of Cocktail and continued his non-sense and said "There was this Earth day celebrated last month all across the world .... I too contributed a one liner message - 'Don't Shave Trees from Earth ... Save Earth', am now trying to approach Gillette to sponsor this campaign".........

After reading the above post if you feel same disgust as we had please leave a comment on this blog ......... For more non-sense keep visiting !!!!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

PJs Remixed

(DishClaimer : If you are here to claim your dish then you are at the wrong place ! All you will get here is utter non-sense of humor).

Warneing : If you are still reading this blog after reading its title & the above line then I would like to warne you that reading and re-reading this blog post might decelerate your IQ below ‘0’ and you might find yourself shouting aloud “Why the F in the world I read this blogpost !!!”

DaddyCatIon : This Blog is DaddyCated to all the persons who enjoy Utter Non-Sense of Humor also known as PJs or Poor Jokes.

This blog post is about PJ as in Purab Jain and not Poor Joke as some of you might have thought.

Purab Jain was famous for his utter non-sense of humor. He was one of the God’s bestest of Poor Jokes to mankind. Being a Softwere Enginenear he was logically illogical or in simple language weird.

Purab was also known as Sachin Tendulkar of PJs by his friends & colleagues. Purab’s talent got multiplied many folds after he met Sabu (the one from Chacha Chaudhary Comics) also known as HeMan who was also fond of PJs & mastered the art to create PJs on the go (by go I don’t mean Go Airlines).

Purab’s IQ was in negative numbers but his PQ (Poor Joke Quotient) was above Excellence of his Excellency of Poor Jokes. Purab’s favorite television channel was 9XM he really loved all the Bade & Chhote Jokes, The Super Creative Lyrics of songs sung by Bheegi Billi, The gossip of Betel Nuts & Amazing Melodious voice of Badshaah Bhai. He was also very fond of MTV shows like Fantastic 5, MTV Bakra etc. & his favorite singer was Kailash Kher.

Purab was one of the persons who had only Right Brain as in his Brain was always right he believed that all the persons who think that they have Left Brain & Right Brain they were logically incorrect coz if you have Left Brain then actually you do not have brain at all coz you already Left your Brain …. LOL.

Let me share with you some of the Atrociously Disgusting Instances from his life …….

Purab Calls Saurabh :

Purab called his friend Saurabh, Purab wanted to go for a movie so he asked Saurabh to accompany him for the movie, Saurabh declined politely and said “I have to go to the Mill (Factory) for some work that my dad has asked me to do” to which Purab said “You know which song I am gonna sing once you leave for Mill ?”, Saurabh asked “Which one ?”, Purab said “Koi Mill Gaya ……” & your girl friend will sing “Tum Jo Mill Gaye Ho ……To Ye Lagta Hai Yeh Jahaan Mill Gaya …..”

Purab & Gals :

Purab had crush on two girls but he scared them away on their very first date all b’coz of overdose of utter non-sense of humor & him being fan of Kailash Kher.

Girl I, Name : Gudiya …….

Purab & Gudiya went out for a long drive on his Bajaj Boxer on the highway and stopped at a Coffee Shop on the outskirts of the city. Both of them were having great time and a real good chat, Purab felt the conversation was getting too boring, so to lighten the mood he thought of cracking joke, thatz what killed the moment.

Purab said “Gudiya please don’t ever meet Kailash Kher ever in your life”, Gudiya asked “Why ??? Mika is the one who did something to some Item Gal & not Kailash Kher, I like listening to his songs and would love to meet him sometime, but whatz the problem in me meeting him anywayz ?”. Purab said “He might change your name from Gudiya to Udiya ….. and you might also start flying”, Gudiya asked “What ? Why ?”, Purab replied “Haven’t you heard his song … Tere Naam Se G Loo ……”. That was their 1st & last date. Purab is still wondering why Gudiya is not answering his calls…..

Girl II, Name : Preet …...

Purab & Preet went out for a long drive on his Bajaj Boxer on the highway and stopped at the same Coffee Shop on the outskirts of the city. Purab tried to control his urges to crack PJs but got carried away on listening to one of the Kailash Kher songs playing in the coffee shop.

Purab said “So you are the one who kicked Kailash Kher and then he went crazy huh ????”, she said “What ? I haven’t even met him ever in my life, forget kicking him”, to which Purab said “C’mon don’t lie to me he has even mentioned it in the song in his new album”, she asked “Which song are you talking about ?”, “Preet Ki Lat Mohe Aisi Laagi Ho Gai Main Matwaari…..”. That was again their 1st & last date. Purab is still wondering why Preet is not answering his calls…..

Something off the Box …….

Kailash Kher also reminds me of another Mr. Kher, his name is Anupam Kher. Can you tell me what if Mr. Anupam Kher’s car driver does not come to pick him up and he has to go home on his own and on reaching home his wife asks him “Car was broken down so driver was not able to pick you up, how did you manage to come home ?”, Which song does he sing ……. Think …… “Khud Aaya Kher …..” from Shahrukh Khan’s movie Billu Barber …… LOL.

If you are still reading and want to read more non-sense of humor (by more I don’t mean Peacock), Keep checking this blog ……. more Super Non-Sense of Humor …….Coming Sooooooon……. Would depreciate your comments ;)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Fatman - The Super Hero !!!!

"With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility" ~ Spiderman

It was 5:30 in the evening, I was on my way to work in the cab. We were passing by Aarey, what an amazing weather it was. I believe Aarey is the only place in Mumbai (other than the ocean of course) which has fresh air to breathe in. The only unnerving and intolerable thing in the whole setup was the song playing on the Radio, It was He-mess singing out loud “Ooooooo Huzooooooooor 13 13 13 Surooooooooor”. I requested the driver to change the Radio Station, but all the radio stations were playing one or other song sung by Mr. He-mess. What a mess !!!

Listening to all these messy songs my cab passed by Powai Lake and reached Hiranandani Gardens. I felt as if I had reached Europe. I feel all charged up as soon as I reach Hiranandani Gardens, what a place, an engineering marvel for me a Gujjubhai from Gujarat providing customer service to Americans.

I was working as a Technical Support Advisor for no.1 ISP in US of A. I had recently got transferred from Pune to Mumbai. In Pune I was providing Technical Support for a US based PC Manufacturing Company.

I had my bit of nicotine shot to have that pre-shift kick. I checked my clock it was 5 mins to get hooked to my Avaya phone & changing my Avatar from Purvesh from Rajkot to Peter from Pennsylvania. I had my headphones on (I sometimes felt as If I am a doctor, the only difference was that doctors wear stethoscope to check heartbeat of patients & I used to wear headphones to listen to queries that my customers had and both of us tried to provide solutions). Today there was a bit of avail, as it was a US holiday call traffic was pretty low.

I got my first call for the day. It was a girl on the other end, sounded like someone in her twenties (Her voice was driving me crazy, it was husky like bipasha). I welcomed her with the preset script like a robot and asked her the reason for her call (I would have preferred to ask her what are you wearing right now ??? but duty is duty ...sigh). She had a concern where one of the windows on her computer screen was only partially visible. Ideally I should have asked her to speak to either Microsoft guys or her PC manufacturer coz it had nothing to do with her internet concern or connectivity issues that we used to handle.

I still went ahead and tried to get her concern resolved (not bcoz I was concerned ... anything for a sexy sounding gal ;)), she gave me a case number from her previous call & checked the case history, she was referred to PC manufacturer by another TSA. I checked it with her, she agreed and said her PC manufacturer was not going to help her unless she renews the contract and pleaded me to help her out. The problem was weird, I tried couple of things, but nothing was working.

I was about to ask her to get in touch with PC Manufacturer once again (as it was not our problem) suddenly something clicked in my mind. I asked her to press ‘Alt + Spacebar + N’ on the keyboard, she tried it and the window which was partially visible was now minimized thatz what she told me ‘the window is now sitting on the bar next to the start button’, I had cracked the case, I asked her to click on the window once again and to press ‘Alt + Spacebar + X’ on the keyboard which maximized the window and she was able to read all the contents now. Another happy customer.

She was very very very happy, she asked me “Hey whatz your name, I have been struggling for past 2 hours, you got it solved in 5 mins you are genius !!!!”. I said my name is Peter, to which she asked me my last name, I was stuck coz we only had first names as pseudo names and no one had asked this question before. I said “Peter Parker” (had recently seen the Spiderman movie and thatz what spidey's name was in the movie) , she started laughing and said “Peter Parker ???? really ??? Are you the Spiderman ???? The Superhero ???”.

I said "No Maam its just a co-incidence" to which she said "Whatever it is but you are my Super Hero !!!!" She had definitely made my day. My boss was staring at me coz the AHT was building up. I thanked her once again and read out the call closing script.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dieting !!!!

“Better start Dieting rather than Die Eating !!!” ;– St. PJ

Last year I had promised myself that I am gonna quit smoking and successfully did quit, but how can one quit eating ??? Don’t people know that food to human body is like Petrol is to a car (I know nowadays cars work on CNG, hydrogen, batteries etc… too).

I am a Janee & Janee’s are known foodies, and I ain’t doing anything different than following the foodie parampara of The Great Janee Khandaan, there definitely is something gujjulicious about us (btw I guess all the gujjus or rather gujju Brahmins are foodies). We eat vegetarian, but we are fond of eating variety of vegetarian edible food products.

If you are a foodie then definitely you would be a bit healthy (healthy is also used as a synonym of fatso these days though ;)). I wasn’t this healthy from my childhood, all these fatty walls started building up after I was administered various medicines for Typhoid.

The world does not care about it though. I don’t know what is world's problem with my being fatty, They don't feed me, are they jealous coz am married to a very beautiful, fit & intelligent girl inspite of me being fatty or they are jealous bcoz they can’t have a super built up like me ??? (these lines were intentionally written to make my wife happy).

I had gone to a nearby mall last weekend accidentally met my old colleague, he started to press my tummy and said “Purveshbhai you have put on lot of weight haan ! plz do something about it” (WTF …. I felt kinda molested … yeah molested … its kinda fondling over grown mammary glands of some super hot gal whom you would have met after a couple of years). That bugger was giving me gyaan when he himself had a tummy bigger that 9 month pregnant lady with twins.  

The whole world around me was either doing GM diet or had joined some kinda gym or yoga classes, my brother-in-law had lost kinda 15 kgs after pretti slim (he had even suggested my wifey to gift me membership to pretti slim weight reduction programme as a birthday gift), my mom too had started yoga & dieting. She had managed to lose 7 kgs in a month’s time !!!!!! Thatz what filled me with some confidence & I decided that I too would prove to this merciless world, that I too can be in Shape (not that I ain’t in shape now, I'm in shape … Round is a shape... isn't it?).

After the agonizing un-shopaholic experience and the molesting I told you about, I started dieting, a self prescribed one though. I started with a Fruit diet. I have my breakfast of 3 to 4 marie light digestive biscuits with 0% Transfats & 0% Cholesterol (I am also gonna stop eating Chole … I guess it has got too much of Cholesterol). I eat my lunch @ work (which is not too tasty so you naturally end up eating less). I eat only fruits for dinner (not more than 250 gms). After 7 days of starting this diet, I started feeling more energetic, no seriously.

I was all hunky dory but the problem was on weekends, I was in super dilemma, the problem was what to have as biting with beer?, You can have beer…. Its barley water with alcohol or can have Vodka which is made out of grains (atleast thatz what the label says) … preferably orange or green apple so that you can have fruits as biting and fruit juices as mixers. You can also have diet colas if you want ;)

So here I am sipping on Smirnoff Apple Twist mixed with Apple Juice and having grapes and apple for biting while writing my blog on dieting for beginners. I guess I would have lost some 200 gms while you are reading this one :)

I hope you to realize the value of healthy body / healthy soul soon & stop growing horizontally :) I know diet food is not so tasty one but you can always develop taste (like you would have developed taste for the kinda food that your wife cooks).

Happy Dieting ……… Be Fitter not Fatter !!!!!!!

Leave a Comment on this blog if you like it :)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Happy B'day to Me !!!

"Happy B'day to Me !!!"

This birthday (12th March 2010) my wifey made it very ispecial for me. She gifted me what I wanted for past many B'days. A Family re-union :) (not that we are separated by heart, just by distance of miles between Rajkot & Mumbai)

Even being the month of March (Finance & Insurance industry guys know how the situation is in and around march) my generous boss permitted me to take a day off on my birthday :) (this is not to flatter my boss, its indeed heartfelt).

Me & my wifey were initially planning to visit either Ambaji or Mahabaleshwar (wifey had managed a day off for my b'day well in advance), but then suggested "Why not to go to Rajkot and celebrate it with Mom & Dad, Adit is already there for his exam preparations?", thatz what I too wanted to do but thought might not get the tickets in such a short notice.

I checked for tickets online and got two tickets for my journey towards Rajkot via Ahmedabad through Shatabdi Express. Return journey was a problem, tickets were not available and as it was a surprise trip, I was not able to ask anyone to book tickets for return journey, but then I asked Adit to try and get return tickets booked in Tatkaal through an agent after he promised not to reveal my planz to Mom n Dad (luckily he managed to keep the secret as well as got the tickets arranged, in two different coaches though).

I waz way too excited for this family re-union. I finally reached Rajkot and it was way too precious to see the surprised & happy look at my Mom's & Dad's face :) I got a bit senti tooo. After freshening up we went to Imperial Palace for my B'day Party, a close knitted family affair. Sorry all the cousins & frenz for lieing to you ;) and not inviting you all. I will definitely repay for it sooooooon.

My B'day Cake ....... Yummy !!!

 My Paa

My Wifey & Mom (Two most beautiful women of my life)

Me & Adit (Adit had gained lot of weight due to ma ke haath ka khana)

We also went out for some shopping for me and our new house, as always we got something for our new house but not for me (all I got waz XXL slim fit clothes that won't fit me). Anyways I guess I need to keep a check on my weight now (my mom too has lost around 7 kgs in past 1 month !!!).

Finally even though I didn't wanna come back to Mumbai (was definitely jealous of Adit, coz he was gonna enjoy himself to the core @ Rajkot with Maa ke haath ka khana and all), I pulled my self and started my journey to Mumbai. I got some Rajkot ka pedas for my colleagues.

I didn't have proper sleep while coming back to Mumbai, There were two reasons why I was awake 1st that the train was shaking a way bit too much & 2nd that I was reading "The Immortals of Meluha" by Amish Tripathi, the book is so amazing that I was not able to put it down (btw its @ no.4 in Crossword Bestsellers list as checked yesterday).

The next day I was all dressed in new clothes & all as I knew that there is gonna be cake cutting & all @ work. My boss had got it well orchestrated. So it was kinda all Fun no Work on a Monday YAY !!!

Cake Cutting

Offering Cake to my Boss (Mandar)

Colleagues smashed cake on my face

I was gifted "The Professional" by Subroto Bagchi by our National Head, Murali Boss

I ordered Kirti College ka Vada Pav (the ones with Chura & Vada .... definitely yummy !!!) & had fun.

This birthday was indeed special, both with my Family @ Rajkot & another family @ Work in Mumbai. It was also celebrated @ The Tripathi's Place during our monthly get together, don't have those snaps with me now, shall upload them once I get them.