"When Women are depressed, they go shopping, but when I go Shopping, I get depressed ......."
I still remember that day, It was Friday. I had managed to leave for home from office bang on time. It was a pretty hectic week being first week of the month, all the monthly reports to be prepared. I usually did not like to work on weekends, especially not the ones which fell in the beginning of the month, coz thatz the weekend you can enjoy and chillax (as you get your salary and EMIs are yet to hit your account).
I used to pray every friday to God "God please gift me utmost strength & intelligence only for today, so that I can complete all my tasks and no urgent work pops up at end of the day which can give someone chance to make me work on the weekend".
This friday was different, It was 5th of February 2010, I wanted to request my boss to allow me to work on this weekend, I did not want to stay back home. I should have seen this coming, my wifey was suddenly extra caring with me and had started treating me like a respected human being 'like any adarsh patni would'. She was also passing hints about all the stuff that she was intending to buy or was expecting to get gifted.
I was dreading this day for long. It was the weekend before Valentine's day and my second Wedding Anniversary (I mean I successfully survived two years of my marriage without getting insane and not anniversary of my second marriage, I am sure no one would dare to commit this marrying mistake twice).
My wifey had already given me a list of stuff she wanted to shop for, I held the sheet of paper with strong heart and started reading, Once I was done with reading the shopping list I was happy coz the list was short this time and consisted of some 9 shades of lipsticks, 11 shades of nail polish & 3 hair colors, I said in a sugar coated tone to my wifey "Darling, are you sure these are the only things you gonna shop today ?", she said "Please turn the page smarty pants, you are reading on the wrong side".
I had mild heart attack of sorts when I turned the page, It was a looooooooooooooooooong list, I was gasping for breath, Pranayam came to my rescue, I took couple of long breaths 'Ramdev Baba Style', and recollected my friend's words "PJ you are not alone all the married men in this world have to go through this, I too have gone through it and survived, you too shall survive, have faith in god".
My wifey suddenly had change of heart and said "Forget this list, we can shop for all these things sometime later, Lets go and buy some clothes for you this time for a change, and don't worry count it on me". I was pinched myself and was wondering whether it was true or was I hallucinating ..... Alas it was true and I didn't know what a gruelling experience I was gonna go through.
Pantaloons - Borivali :
We started with Pantaloons Boravali, I wanted to buy one of those 3 Idiots T-shirt doodled by Aamir for past two weeks but did not get time. We reached the section on second floor, on the extreme right hand corner, there were Aamir, Madhavan & Sharman smiling at me and said "Welcome to the gang of Idiots !" albeit in the posters.
I hunted for XXL, and luckily found last 2 t-shirts in the rack. I was happy and immediately went in the Trial Room for checking them out. But fate had it and T-shirts didn't fit me coz they were slim-fit ones (I wonder how can a person be slim if he/she wears XXL, and why the hell they make slim fits after all ???). I was indeed agitated and rushed out of the store, not before paying for 2 t-shirts that my wifey bought for her which she did not intend to buy but agreed when I forced her to buy something for herself !!!
We planned to go to Inorbit coz then there I would get huge choice and also almost all shops in the Mall were offering discounts aka Sale. Once we reached Inorbit, I was damn hungry and requested my wifey to check out something in the food court first and then will go and shop, she gave me a cold stare and said "Lets check out some clothes first, and if your tummy is empty you might be lucky enough to buy some slim fit clothes too". I didn't have option, I followed her like an obedient puppy would albeit a fat one, I didn't want another lecture on dieting.
In Inorbit we started with Provogue (I loved Provogue coz they always have awesome collection that fits me), they were offering flat 50% off on selected brands 'I was wondering, they meant 50% off for flat owners or what ???' anyways we started checking out for Red colored Tees which were planning to buy for the party we had to attend the following weekend which had Valentine's theme. I did not find anything worth buying in Red Color from Provogue, neither did my wifey.
We proceeded towards Fab India, coz I was sure I would definitely find some nice Red colored Kurta for the party (I don't look too fat in Kurta though and thatz why I was keen to buy one) and the best part that evey they were offering discounts. Disappointment followed here too, They had all the colors of Kurtas in my size except the red one :(
Paani Puri :
I was irritated but succeded in convincing my wife to have mercy on my tummy dearest which was craving for food for past 24 hours ............... or so it seemed. My wifey agreed to go to the food court to have some Paani Puris @ Sanskriti (I dunno whatz up with gals and paani puris / chaats, but it always works, so if your wife/gf is not getting convinced for food offer paani puris / chaats am sure they might give in for temptation).
I suddenly felt surge of energy in my legs and was kinda running towards Food Court (though I was more keen on having some beer and garlic bread followed by paneer tikka masala & naan). Alas I was allowed to eat 2 plates of Paani Puri (my wifey thinks its okies to eat paani puri, its kinda diet food if you do not take potato masala and opt for sprouts as fillings).
Pepe Jeans :
We started the shopathon once again and landed at Pepe Jeans. My wife found a beautiful red top, I loved it too its was full of stars and hearts kinda perfect for Valentine's Theme and to top it all in red glitters 'PJ' was written where human heart is. Me & my wifey selected it immediately (also it was a comfort fit which helped my wifey hide her tummy a bit, I dunno why she feels she has put on weight, I dont think so, I guess she has so many kgs more to achieve before she beats me hands down). I didn't find anything for myself in red so we paid for her top and marched out.
After Pepe Jeans, we landed up at Lee (I am in love with Lee Jeans, specially Lee Lycra collection, It definitely fits me all so comfortably). I bought my wifey a pair of Lee Lycra Jeans, I had to convince her so much for buying it, she said 'darling it was decided that we will shop only for you today, I don't wanna buy anything for myself, I will shop only once we are done with your shopping, but as you are insisting so much I will buy it but please don't force me to buy anything else, I am done with my shopping'.
I too found one red colored t-shirt, but the problem was size ..... hey they got my size too XXL (I am in love with Lee all over again). But my wifey didn't find the Tee cool enough, so I had no choice but to do away with it (although she said that if we don't find any better option, we might as well come back and buy it) .
After Lee we entered Wrangler, I spotted the red t-shirt, there was a chap who offered to help me out. I asked him to help me out with XXL. He said 'We don't have XXL, XL is the last size we have right now, but sir I feel it will perfectly fit you, why don't you try it out ?'. I was sure it wasn't going to fit me, but still tried it out. I Won !!! it did not fit me, I move out of the shop half frustrated and half depressed.
Shoppers Stop :
After roaming around so much, I was in no mood to shop anymore or to take any more humiliation by trying out various clothes that didn't fit me. But I was sure Shoppers Stop had umpteen number of brands and I would get something really o'sum with so many clothes on Sale. We started roaming around the mall checking various clothes, my focus was obviously on red color first, so did not pay much attention to any other tees, although after roaming around I came across XXL size tees, none of them red (or the kinda tees I would like to wear).
I tried couple of them making me sink further with humiliation, the ones my wifey selected for me were all freaking slim fit ones ... when I tried them out I was horrified .... I resembled totally opposite of what Salmaan Khan would look like, sallu would have looked like perfect rock star, I resembled more like a pregnant male with bulges on all places where men should not have .... to add to my agony my wifey laughed out loud and said "I would better gift you some slimming service coupons".
I was in no mood to take any more humiliation and decided not to buy any clothes till I reduce some weight, while I was thinking all this my wifey tried two more tees and bought them. I offered her to go and watch some movie instead of spending time shopping (as I wasn't gaining anything except irritation and was getting poorer at every shop we entered).
My wifey offered to check out lifestyle as a final option (I had already made my mind to shop only after I reduce my weight or to shop from 'ALL' the extra size store). We started checking out some perfumes and then proceeded towards men's clothing, I checked out couple of shelves but the last size that they had was XL, frustrated I felt like asking the lifestyle guys to let me borrow their t-shirt for a day (coz it was red in color, and didn't matter if it said sale or anything else).
I guess god had toyed around enough with me, the helper came closer and pointed us to a corner which had t-shirts of XXL size and it was a huge collection, pepe jeans, lee, proline, spykar, etc .... but I was still afraid, what if they were slim fit ???
But I guess my luck was working now, my wifey was able to find around 12 t-shirts from the rack which were awesome and were XXL - Comfort Fit and two of them were red WOW !!!!! I took all of them and rushed to the trial room, though the security person allowed me only to take in 3 clothes for trying, I asked him to hold rest of them till I tried post which he agreed to let me carry em.
All of them did fit perfectly, so wifey said "Buy all of them dunno when will we be able to find clothes fitting you" (that was definitely below the belt, but she was my wifey and obviously had all the rights to do anything with me below or above the belt), but I did not mind her comment, I had found some really nice stuff for myself also I didn't have choice and there was no point in arguing with her as ultimately she would have won, I finally zeroed in on 5 of them one of them definitely red. I was a happy man, I was in love with lifestyle.
I was so much excited and told my wife ... I wanna buy some formal clothes too, lets come down in a week or two for checking out some formals ..... Another gruelling journey was about to begin, more about it some other time :)
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