Thursday, April 22, 2010

PJs Remixed

(DishClaimer : If you are here to claim your dish then you are at the wrong place ! All you will get here is utter non-sense of humor).

Warneing : If you are still reading this blog after reading its title & the above line then I would like to warne you that reading and re-reading this blog post might decelerate your IQ below ‘0’ and you might find yourself shouting aloud “Why the F in the world I read this blogpost !!!”

DaddyCatIon : This Blog is DaddyCated to all the persons who enjoy Utter Non-Sense of Humor also known as PJs or Poor Jokes.

This blog post is about PJ as in Purab Jain and not Poor Joke as some of you might have thought.

Purab Jain was famous for his utter non-sense of humor. He was one of the God’s bestest of Poor Jokes to mankind. Being a Softwere Enginenear he was logically illogical or in simple language weird.

Purab was also known as Sachin Tendulkar of PJs by his friends & colleagues. Purab’s talent got multiplied many folds after he met Sabu (the one from Chacha Chaudhary Comics) also known as HeMan who was also fond of PJs & mastered the art to create PJs on the go (by go I don’t mean Go Airlines).

Purab’s IQ was in negative numbers but his PQ (Poor Joke Quotient) was above Excellence of his Excellency of Poor Jokes. Purab’s favorite television channel was 9XM he really loved all the Bade & Chhote Jokes, The Super Creative Lyrics of songs sung by Bheegi Billi, The gossip of Betel Nuts & Amazing Melodious voice of Badshaah Bhai. He was also very fond of MTV shows like Fantastic 5, MTV Bakra etc. & his favorite singer was Kailash Kher.

Purab was one of the persons who had only Right Brain as in his Brain was always right he believed that all the persons who think that they have Left Brain & Right Brain they were logically incorrect coz if you have Left Brain then actually you do not have brain at all coz you already Left your Brain …. LOL.

Let me share with you some of the Atrociously Disgusting Instances from his life …….

Purab Calls Saurabh :

Purab called his friend Saurabh, Purab wanted to go for a movie so he asked Saurabh to accompany him for the movie, Saurabh declined politely and said “I have to go to the Mill (Factory) for some work that my dad has asked me to do” to which Purab said “You know which song I am gonna sing once you leave for Mill ?”, Saurabh asked “Which one ?”, Purab said “Koi Mill Gaya ……” & your girl friend will sing “Tum Jo Mill Gaye Ho ……To Ye Lagta Hai Yeh Jahaan Mill Gaya …..”

Purab & Gals :

Purab had crush on two girls but he scared them away on their very first date all b’coz of overdose of utter non-sense of humor & him being fan of Kailash Kher.

Girl I, Name : Gudiya …….

Purab & Gudiya went out for a long drive on his Bajaj Boxer on the highway and stopped at a Coffee Shop on the outskirts of the city. Both of them were having great time and a real good chat, Purab felt the conversation was getting too boring, so to lighten the mood he thought of cracking joke, thatz what killed the moment.

Purab said “Gudiya please don’t ever meet Kailash Kher ever in your life”, Gudiya asked “Why ??? Mika is the one who did something to some Item Gal & not Kailash Kher, I like listening to his songs and would love to meet him sometime, but whatz the problem in me meeting him anywayz ?”. Purab said “He might change your name from Gudiya to Udiya ….. and you might also start flying”, Gudiya asked “What ? Why ?”, Purab replied “Haven’t you heard his song … Tere Naam Se G Loo ……”. That was their 1st & last date. Purab is still wondering why Gudiya is not answering his calls…..

Girl II, Name : Preet …...

Purab & Preet went out for a long drive on his Bajaj Boxer on the highway and stopped at the same Coffee Shop on the outskirts of the city. Purab tried to control his urges to crack PJs but got carried away on listening to one of the Kailash Kher songs playing in the coffee shop.

Purab said “So you are the one who kicked Kailash Kher and then he went crazy huh ????”, she said “What ? I haven’t even met him ever in my life, forget kicking him”, to which Purab said “C’mon don’t lie to me he has even mentioned it in the song in his new album”, she asked “Which song are you talking about ?”, “Preet Ki Lat Mohe Aisi Laagi Ho Gai Main Matwaari…..”. That was again their 1st & last date. Purab is still wondering why Preet is not answering his calls…..

Something off the Box …….

Kailash Kher also reminds me of another Mr. Kher, his name is Anupam Kher. Can you tell me what if Mr. Anupam Kher’s car driver does not come to pick him up and he has to go home on his own and on reaching home his wife asks him “Car was broken down so driver was not able to pick you up, how did you manage to come home ?”, Which song does he sing ……. Think …… “Khud Aaya Kher …..” from Shahrukh Khan’s movie Billu Barber …… LOL.

If you are still reading and want to read more non-sense of humor (by more I don’t mean Peacock), Keep checking this blog ……. more Super Non-Sense of Humor …….Coming Sooooooon……. Would depreciate your comments ;)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Fatman - The Super Hero !!!!

"With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility" ~ Spiderman

It was 5:30 in the evening, I was on my way to work in the cab. We were passing by Aarey, what an amazing weather it was. I believe Aarey is the only place in Mumbai (other than the ocean of course) which has fresh air to breathe in. The only unnerving and intolerable thing in the whole setup was the song playing on the Radio, It was He-mess singing out loud “Ooooooo Huzooooooooor 13 13 13 Surooooooooor”. I requested the driver to change the Radio Station, but all the radio stations were playing one or other song sung by Mr. He-mess. What a mess !!!

Listening to all these messy songs my cab passed by Powai Lake and reached Hiranandani Gardens. I felt as if I had reached Europe. I feel all charged up as soon as I reach Hiranandani Gardens, what a place, an engineering marvel for me a Gujjubhai from Gujarat providing customer service to Americans.

I was working as a Technical Support Advisor for no.1 ISP in US of A. I had recently got transferred from Pune to Mumbai. In Pune I was providing Technical Support for a US based PC Manufacturing Company.

I had my bit of nicotine shot to have that pre-shift kick. I checked my clock it was 5 mins to get hooked to my Avaya phone & changing my Avatar from Purvesh from Rajkot to Peter from Pennsylvania. I had my headphones on (I sometimes felt as If I am a doctor, the only difference was that doctors wear stethoscope to check heartbeat of patients & I used to wear headphones to listen to queries that my customers had and both of us tried to provide solutions). Today there was a bit of avail, as it was a US holiday call traffic was pretty low.

I got my first call for the day. It was a girl on the other end, sounded like someone in her twenties (Her voice was driving me crazy, it was husky like bipasha). I welcomed her with the preset script like a robot and asked her the reason for her call (I would have preferred to ask her what are you wearing right now ??? but duty is duty ...sigh). She had a concern where one of the windows on her computer screen was only partially visible. Ideally I should have asked her to speak to either Microsoft guys or her PC manufacturer coz it had nothing to do with her internet concern or connectivity issues that we used to handle.

I still went ahead and tried to get her concern resolved (not bcoz I was concerned ... anything for a sexy sounding gal ;)), she gave me a case number from her previous call & checked the case history, she was referred to PC manufacturer by another TSA. I checked it with her, she agreed and said her PC manufacturer was not going to help her unless she renews the contract and pleaded me to help her out. The problem was weird, I tried couple of things, but nothing was working.

I was about to ask her to get in touch with PC Manufacturer once again (as it was not our problem) suddenly something clicked in my mind. I asked her to press ‘Alt + Spacebar + N’ on the keyboard, she tried it and the window which was partially visible was now minimized thatz what she told me ‘the window is now sitting on the bar next to the start button’, I had cracked the case, I asked her to click on the window once again and to press ‘Alt + Spacebar + X’ on the keyboard which maximized the window and she was able to read all the contents now. Another happy customer.

She was very very very happy, she asked me “Hey whatz your name, I have been struggling for past 2 hours, you got it solved in 5 mins you are genius !!!!”. I said my name is Peter, to which she asked me my last name, I was stuck coz we only had first names as pseudo names and no one had asked this question before. I said “Peter Parker” (had recently seen the Spiderman movie and thatz what spidey's name was in the movie) , she started laughing and said “Peter Parker ???? really ??? Are you the Spiderman ???? The Superhero ???”.

I said "No Maam its just a co-incidence" to which she said "Whatever it is but you are my Super Hero !!!!" She had definitely made my day. My boss was staring at me coz the AHT was building up. I thanked her once again and read out the call closing script.